Thursday, December 22, 2011

Deep sigh of relief!

Well, I'm happy to say it was relatively simple to revert back to my old blogspot design. I have absolutely no idea how it was changed to a different design, don't know, don't care... but I'm just very happy that it's back to how it was a few posts ago.

Life here in PA has been, well, wet. It's December 22nd, and it's pouring outside. And much to my dismay, today is officially the first day of winter. Yipes. I suppose we are fortunate that this rain is not snow, for fear that we would not be able to dig ourselves out from underneath it all.

I've been living a rather withdrawn, quiet and domestic life over the past year or so. Mostly not sharing anything on blogspot, as I figure no one out there really gives a hoot about the boring life of a slightly-over-middle-aged woman's groaning pains. Even in real life, I have become somewhat of a recluse. I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything out-of-the-ordinary, and I don't have much of a life.

All of this saddens me, as I realize every day from the events that go on around me, how very fragile life is. It is one simple breath that hangs us in the balance between the present moment and eternity. So, I'm doing some soul searching, and I'm trying to pull myself up by the bootstraps of life, and find something worth doing.

I've been stuck in "stalled" mode for what seems to be a horribly long time. There are so many things I want to do with my life. I just celebrated my 49th birthday last Saturday, and over this past week, I have found myself realizing that I am well past the half-way point of living. And that is if I'm allowed the luxury of living a long and healthy life. At this point in my life, I actually find that to be a bit doubtful as well. Anyhow, to move from stalled into at least first gear (God help me if I find reverse) and pick something and work at it until it is complete. Difficult to do in my life. Some things I could pick will cost us money that we just cannot afford right now. The husband has been unemployeed since April of this year. We are currently not in a secure financial position, and things are getting worse, not better. And of course, with the holidays, well, it just kind of stinks. OK, I'm done whining. Oh speaking of wine... I meant to get myself a glass to help me get sleepy. I'm wide awake, the husband is upstairs snoring to rattle the rafters, and I'm staring at the shadows on the walls in our bedroom. I shall return in a moment....

OK, I'm sipping a nice, slightly chilled glass of Chardonnay. That's better.

The projects that have been in continual motion, or continual haultedness are too numerious to count. My husband has made it his mission to "finish" the kitchen. Needless to say, after 14 years of not really having much of a kitchen to look at, very soon it will be close to being done. I have photos of before, and need to take after shots. However, as thrilled as I was with his interest in working on finishing up the kitchen, the fact that he chose the week before Thanksgiving and at this present day it is still a project in motion, has been the bone of contention between us for a few, shall I say, conversations. Nothing serious, just frustration. And I swear ever time I make something to eat, it has a bit of extra crunch to it from the sheetrock mud, or even perhaps dried paint. Not sure... and I try not to think about it.

My organizational skills are somewhat challenged since I've been married. I used to be a comfortably organized, normally neat, can-find-it-when-I-need-it kind of person. Not in a Marth Stewart kind of way, when you open drawers and doors, there is absolutely not one inch of space wasted, and everything is so anally organized, it's painful to look at. The day I said "I do", that all went out the window. I think being organized is just a dream that I'm going to have to take to my grave with me. I always say to my husband, "What's taken me literally hours to do to have "something" look this good, takes you a matter of less than 5 minutes to undo." I cannot win. I will never win. Or will I?

Piles of crap sit everywhere. Some of them have been in place for so long, or burried beneath new crap, that I have no idea what the devil is in the pile to begin with. Piles of crap should have places to go. Like the trash, a thrift store, or an attic. But that would be too easy. Maybe that is where I will start. Getting rid of some piles. Of course, if I do this, you do realize that I will inevitably throw away at least one piece of paper that should not have ever seen the light of day to begin with.

While most people are droaning on about all they have to do before Christmas day gets here... I shall go to sleep tonight with visions of paper shreds dancing in me head.

Good night all, Sweet dreams... tomorrow is a new day for me to screw up in some way or another. LOL!

Penny Sue

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