Wednesday, November 12, 2008

So much to do in so little time...

I've got about 15 days to get my house in order. I'll be having company & family here from the day after Thanksgiving until the 2nd weekend in December. My house is a disaster. It's been months since I've done a good job cleaning. I'm embarrassed to say that ever since my cancer and the flood that hit us... I almost just don't care. Plus, my husband can undo hours of housecleaning in a matter of minutes. Please pray for my motivation and self esteem. I have been struggling for almost 1 and 1/2 years with a lot of emotional and mental issues. My brain tells me what I should do... and my heart and body just don't want to follow through.

Aside from all of the above, I would really like to be able to spend some time in my shop and get it ready to re-open. This has also been a point of certain depression for me. I have some fresh new ideas for what direction I want to take the business, but the actual going out there, standing and looking at how much work it will take to reopen my doors just overwhelmes me.

I know in my head that there are so many other people who would truly love to trade places with me... or tell me that I should be so thankful that I survived cancer. I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for my restored health and body, but I think my mind got left behind. Surviving cancer has it's mental and emotional ramifications too. I guess I just need to "Snap Out Of It"... as Mary Emmerling so fondly says.

Penny Sue

PS - Nov. 20th - OOPS! I got my Mary's mixed up. I meant Mary Englebreit (SP?), not Emmerling.


Farm Chick Paula said...

Oh sweetie- you just hang in there...
I'll be praying for you!

Penny For Your Thoughts said...

Thank you dear Paula. It's comforting to know that there are people praying for others whom they have never met. If I never see you in this world, let's have tea in heaven... (Smile).

I'm doing better today.

Anonymous said...

I think you need to give yourself time to let your emotional healing catch up to your physical healing. You have been through so much. Don't be so hard on yourself. "Lean not on your own understanding".


Ginger said...

Hi Penny:
I understand your depression because at times I suffer from it too. Not too bad, but things overwhelm me, like they do you. Especially cleaning and organizing. I clean really good when someone is coming, but other times, not so much. and I also have a hubby who messes it up right away.
I just got home from Las Vegas, after being there for 9 days. It felt so good to be around my kids again. They all have to work and can't come up for Thanksgiving, so it will just be hubby and I.
Take time for yourself and enjoy your company.

SweetAnnee said...

Oh girl..Thanks Giving is coming soon
and so full
of giving thanks..

Dawnie said...

Hello, I found my way here from Gingers blog. I noticed your post and wanted to stop by and let you know I'm thinking of you.

Life is hard..period. I have no idea about Cancer and how people may feel afterwards..but its no surprise your not feeling quite up to things. I wouldnt feel guilty at all about simply is-what it is.

Its good you have the thoughts of reopening your business and trying out new ideas..perhaps right now that is the quiet motivation God is instilling in you so when your physically and mentally ready--you know what needs to be done.

Depression I think is getting more and more common than most of us want to realize. I know for me-the older I get--there are many times I just could hide in my house and cry. I actually made the decision a few months ago to go on a low-dose of Paxil which has helped me tremendously. It took a couple of months to notice but I DO notice now. I do think menopause has a high role in depression as well as our life changes..women are such emotional creatures.

I wonder also if your a cancer survivor--could some of the meds you took brought along some depression or mental health issues?

Your so right--its a horrible shame some of these things cant be talked about in our churches. People need support when they are hurting.
I hope you feel better soon and please come visit my blog!